9/28/2009

STUCK

Have you ever felt stuck? Meaning like your stuck somewhere in some state or country where you feel uninspired where you feel you cant progress creatively?

I feel like where I am now (Texas) I feel like I'm being held back from what I'm really capable of doing...I really hate it here. But before I tried to cope with me living here because this is the place where I'd be spending the next four years of my life since I'm in college...but it always seems like while I'm in school I'm not giving my all and I'm not feeling inspired to do my work which is design It just seems like I don't care ever since I started back in November 2008 (ALMOST A FUCKING WHOLE INTERE YEAR) it seems like I've been taking steps backwards and not progressing as a designer...It's not that I don't still want to be one its just that my scenery is lackluster. I thought that since me living Texas it would be something of a challenge to show people here in this mediocre state something different since I'm not "ordinary" when it comes to my ideas and thoughts...

For me to fail is the worst burden on my heart...I don't like the feeling of it or I don't like the outcome of failure, and yes I do keep in mind that in order to be better you must make mistakes...But I cant get that into my head when It comes to money (financially) there is no room to make mistakes over and over again...I just really feel like giving up or getting out of school...either way I'm stuck...right now I don't have the money to move to where I want to move and I cant really drop out of college right now because I work at my school...so either way I'm fucked I really don't want to stay here a minute longer and now that I'm on a student break from school and work I have Idle time and thats what scares me the most I'm not going anywhere special I'm here at home just left with my thoughts bored out of my mind. Right now I'm not thinking positively, and I have no one to really talk to about how I feel...so this blog (sadly) is my only outlet of communication to anyone...

I don't know whether I should just give up on this school thing or either just keep going and push through and take this as another lesson learned...

3 comments:

ardelle said...

I follow your blog and I think it is super inspiring and that you have a unique aesthetic that I really dig. I too feel the exact same way about my school and location (north carolina). I feel like this place has sucked my creative juice DRY. I really hope you can push through it, find some beauty in something ugly. I'm certainly trying!

ALANNAH said...

thank you so much! I'm trying to cope with where I'm at until I graduate! lol I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from!! :)

glad u like the blog xo

Yinka said...

awhhh Alannah! i'm sorry you're feeling like this and i totally understand, being that we live in the same lameass place and nobody here exerts that creativity or inspiration here, everyone pretty much follows the norm. and i sometimes feel like not trying to do anything, 'cause nobody will understand or like it, or you feel like you CAN'T, but you shouldn't feel that way! you're amazing! you're destined to be something big, i know it. just keep going, don't stop, love you!