PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT: NOT WHERE IM SUPOSE TO BE?

WARNING BEFORE YOU READ THIS IS A VENTING POST(COMMENT IF U WANT)

Over these last couple of days I've been contemplating on life and how it isnt how I want it to be right now. But then I kick myself in the ass and realize that things come within time...and things change with in time...I'm just so used to getting that instant gratification, and as I get older I'm learning that I can live without things.(like "materialistic" things) I'm growing as a person. I feel like I'm stuck in this gigantic hole and I'm slowly climbing up it inch by inch. and by that I mean Im slowly getting things done that I want changed in my life. But obvoiusly I'm not getting them done fast enough or good enough...by me going to school and trying to do other stuff it isnt good enough.

My mother expects me to have conquered the world by age 18... and reminds me that I'm not good enough...she compared me to my old friend that shes seen today and she says "oh so and so has a job,her own place her own car...shes got her life together shes doing what shes suppose to be doing" and that hurts because I'm trying so hard...No one is hiring so its hard for me to find a job, and I get so stressed from people saying "no no no were not hiring no no no"  that I just give up and not go look for a job at all...I just feel guilty for not being better, Its like I'll always have this thing about making my mother proud of me in anything I do, I want to prove the world to her...and I don't think that anyone can change that. It just seems as an instinct to me...

I feel like giving up and just live in a hole for the rest of my life, but I know for a fact that I have purpose in this life to make something out of myself and be great. My life is bitter sweet right now its 50/50...Its like I want to live alone but then on the other side I need my family their the only thing that I have and the only thing close to real love I'll ever have....I'm just so confused and just stuck...

I see the people that I used to go to school with, still looking the same doing the same thing (which is nothing) and It pisses me off because It reminds me that I need to get the fuck out of here and do something.